Since my last entry our dear, sweet Otto has left
us. He began slowing down, sleeping a
lot more, not coming up the stairs. Then
it went on to a lot of coughing, panting and difficulty in breathing. Dr
Duckwall put up his medication and then he could not hold his pee any more, and
was embarrassed and sad. He lost his
tremendous appetite and I had to cut up his food in little bits, and soften it
with warm water. So, the night of 19th
March I stayed up trying to make him comfortable and begging St. Francis of
Assissi to take him. I would tell him to
let go and rest, but he was so determined, he hung on, and drank water and even
ate a little bit. At times I thought he
had gone, and felt his heartbeat ever so soft and then another bout of coughing
and hard breathing would shake him. In
the morning, I took Otto to see Dr D. and he was placed in an oxygen tent and
given more diuretics. Dr D and I talked
and decided that we did not want him to deteriorate further and be in distress
before leaving us. It was an unreal time, like it wasn’t me that was deciding
this. But, after he let me sit with him
for a while to say goodbye and sent him off to doggie heaven, with many kisses
and hugs, I did give him up. He was half
asleep, having been given a sedative, but still he looked at me before he was
taken away, with those deep brown eyes that always talked to me. That was the hardest thing to do, the saddest
thing I’ve done, for Otto was with us for 13 years and 6 months, and he was
part of my life, my family, our household.
I had called Florence to be with ‘Sela, since Michael did not answer his
phone after text messages and phone messages, and Roberto was sick. Florence stayed with ‘Sela until I returned
and then began our life without Otto. I
have cried so much for his loss, I still do because I miss his love, his little
body close to mine, his barks. He loved
us so and we did him, it’s so hard not to see him with us. ‘Sela is lost without him and keeps feeling his
little body next to her. Otto spent most
afternoons with her while I was in class and followed her like a little escort,
everywhere she went.
On Thursday morning, Dr D brought Otto and we buried him
in the garden, under two elms on the west side. We then placed a big slab of rock that was
there on top of his resting place.
Florence was with ‘Sela watching from her bedroom window, where now she
can see him every day. I will plant more
flowering shrubs later on, but have covered the ground with pine chips. I bought a small statue of St Francis and
placed it next to him and put up a little solar lamp that shines at night. I cannot still accept life without Otto for
our lives and routines seemed at times to revolve around his. My heart is heavy with sadness, it just
hangs like a piece of lead between my breasts and it hurts. Goodbye my sweet Otto, goodbye.
This was taken by Dr Duckwall when I was saying goodbye on 20 March, 2013